This Morning I Said No, Episode 176

The possibilities of saying a ‘bright shining no’ where previously we’ve been in the habit of saying ‘yes’. Or a ‘bright shining yes’ where we’ve been in the habit of saying ‘no’. And on the possibility of newness, creativity and discovery when we greet other people’s new ways with wonder and welcome. This episode of Turning Towards Life is a conversation about letting our genuineness into the world, and doing the same for the people around us, hosted as always by Lizzie Winn and Justin Wise of Thirdspace.

This is Turning Towards Life, a weekly live 30 minute conversation hosted by Thirdspace in which Justin Wise and Lizzie Winn dive deep into big questions of human living. Find us on FaceBook to watch live and join in the lively conversation on this episode. You can find videos of every episode, and more about the project on the Turning Towards Life website, and you can also watch and listen on Instagram, YouTube, and as a podcast on Apple, Google and Spotify.

Our source this week is written by Hollie Holden and chosen for us by Lizzie.

This Morning I Said No

This morning I said No when I meant No, 
In honour – and because of – of all the times 
I have said Yes instead. 

Did it feel empowering?
No, it did not. 
It felt frightening,
Like risking it all. 
It felt like finally saying the thing
That will make you not love me. 

And it felt lonely and cold
And I tried to suck it back in,
Rewind the tape player,
Kill the sound of the word
With a knife. 

Or paint over it with pastel colours
And make you a cup of tea – 
Distract you from 
What I just showed you
When no other word would come. 

But she stayed there,
Defiant,
Finally freed from the 
Prison made of 
Pretty, acceptable,
Please-love-meYeses.

And I do not know what she will do next,
This bright, emboldened No. 
She seems to like it here, 
Out in the wild. 

So I am clearing out a room
Full of things I thought I needed, 
So that she can stay.

by Hollie Holden

Photo by Pete Nuij on Unsplash